welcome to my blog ^_^ i like to write about my day, what i've been doing recently, etc... my entries tend to be a bit long but it's fine cause i'm the cutest girl ever in the world and everything i do is perfect. special thanks to casiopea for helping me code this!!

most recent entries:

2023-01-26 / 2023-01-12

2022-12-30 / 2022-12-21

2022-12-08 / 2022-11-28

jan 26 (thurs)

hellooooo! i made a new theme ^_^ i still like my old one but i just really wanted to code a new one.. i just think it's fun. i was going to put a javascript effect to make the bagkground less boring but after about 4 hours straight of trying to get it to work and help from france i'm sad to say that i failed. it's cause my css wasn't letting it work properly and i couldn;t figure out all the places i needed to change to make it work... so annoying but what even ever.

aside from that... second term is going ok so far. i ended up failing philosophy last term so i have to retake it this term... but i did really good in algonquin so i think that balances it out. this term's class is with a different prof and at a different time and structured differently so i'm hoping it will be better... i'm a little scared to actually go to the lectures tho i keep skipping. but i will go tomorrow...!

last term's schedule was so good compared to this term's. this term i have mondays completely free which is good... but tuesday i start at 8:30 and end at 5:30. and then wednesday is also good, starts at 4 and ends at 8:30, thursday is 8:30 til 4, and then friday is 10 until 4. the tuesday 8:30 class isn't so bad but the thursday one is really messed up cause it's my syntax class... who wants to be up at 8:30 learning about syntax. the tuesday one is varieties of english ^_^ my favourite class. we've been talking about the linguistic history of enlgish in it recently and it's soooo interesting...

my mom keeps trying to make me apply to random summer jobs still. pleaseeeeee please please stop i do not want to fucking work in hr at the bank. or in public health. how in the world do you expect me to get hired for that anyways

what else... OH so the other night i was at my friend's house and she was teaching me how to hit a bong which compleeeeetely tore up my throat that shit hurt so bad. but anyways this happened at like 7 pm and then i was completely sober by 10 and we ended up just being super bored cause she never has anything for us to do at her house (kindof annoying...no offense serena if you're reading this lol) so i was like honestly let me just see if i can bus back to campus... so i checked and there was 1 bus next until it ended for the night so i was like ok sure ill try to catch it and so i left to get to the bus stop which was supposed to be only 5 minutes away YEAH RIGHTit took me 15 minutes to get there JOGGING. i literally had to run to get there and i missed it anyways. so its midnight at this point im outside in the -5 degrees wearing pyjama pants, a tank top, and a zip up hoodie, my phone is at 20%, it's dark, i'm a 2 hour walk from campus, no buses until 4 am, my throat hurts, sweaty as fuck from running and cold from the -5 degrees outside so i walk to the nearest plaza and i'm trying to make a lyft account and in the middle of putting in my credit card details, my phone dies. and then i turn it back on to message my friend quickly and it's at 40%???? so i'm like ok whatever... then i buy my lyft and it dies again in the lyft but it's fine cause i'm finally back and warm!!! and then my throat hurts for the entire next day and now i have a head cold. really messed up.

anyways ummm i got new glasses today!! i got them massively on sale like the frames i got for $60 but they were 80% off so in total they would have cost $700 without the sale. but i got $400 off total so (smirk emoji). i can't think of anything else to add soooo yeah bye!! ^_^

jan 12 (thurs)

hellooooo ^_^ i hope everyone is well!!! i'm back at school now, mostly settled in again... classes started back up on monday, but honestly i've skipped most my classes this week cause i've been super sleepy.. but i'm going to everything next week! i'm trying to do a bit better academically this semester than i did last. not that i did bad, my lowest grade (that i know of) was about 75% i think? granted, i haven't gotten my philosophy grade back yet. that's probably (definitely) lower. i also am trying to branch out now, i'm gonna try to make one friend from my classes this term!

other things i want to try to do better are start drinking more water (cause i never drink water), be more dedicated to the languages i'm learning (namely japanese and anishinabemowin), and make more online friends. plus, after the summer i'll need a job, so i'm hoping i'll end up getting hired at a dispensary because i feel like it would be really fun to work at a dispensary. over the summer i'll probbaly work at some kind of factory because i dont like customer service, linework is the same thing every day, and i'll get paid at least $20/hour plus benefits (and i'll be part of a union). my mom keeps sending me jobs that i am 100% not qualified for and have literally told her before that i'm not interested in, which is so annoying ToT like i appreciate it but please give me something different...

i ordered pizza today and it was soooo good it was the pest pizza pizza pizza (pizza from pizza pizza) i ever got cause the pepperoni was the perfect crispiness it was awesome... now i'm super thirsty and i can't go into the kitchen to make more cold hot chocolate (hot chocolate mix and cold water shaken vigorously) because my roommates are throwing a fucking party WHATS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS ITS 11 PM I DON;T EVEN KNOWHOW LONG THEY'VE BEEN HERE cause i took a nap at like 7 pm and woke up 20 minutes ago thirsty as hell... and there's no way i'm sneaking to the bathroom to drink out of the tap cause the tap water here is scary its like cloudy and shit a girl in my building has to call the university people cause her tap water was BROWN i swear the brita filter my mom gave me is saving my life so much.

um aside from that idk... tomorrow i only have one class and then i need to run a few errands but i'm hoping that after that i'll find some time to work on my book reviews page... i'm trying to decide if the first book i do should be maurice or something that may shock or discredit you or something else... i did also bring the autobiography of an androgyne and greedy (notes from a bisexual who wants too much) with me so i've got those as well. i'm thinking i'll keep the book reviews primarily of lgbt books that aren't ya novels because i barely ever see people talking about normal, adult books with lgbt themes and topics. not that ya books are bad! but i mean they're ya books... there's a reason why it's classified as a different section than general fiction or horror or mystery or etc. also i feel i should add ehre that i don't know or care if the song of achilles is considered ya or not no matter if anybody asks ever i will not review the song of achilles i hated that book so bad it's so sucks. do not even ask because i hate it. anyways yeah book review page coming soon! thank you to arlita for commenting that a book review would be cool ^_^

continuing on that topic, i think my list of books i'll try to write a review on sometime before april will be something that may shock and discredit you (daniel m. lavery), maurice (e.m. forster), greedy (notes from a bisexual who wants too much) (jen winston), and autobiography of an androgyne (ralph werther). that'll give me something to occupy some of my free time in the coming months and also gives me an excuse to finally anntate my second copy of maurice! i'm really excited to do that one, it's genuinely one of my most favourite books of all time. actually heartwrenching, makes me feel nauseous, etc. i got to write an essay about it in grade 12 and, while it really wasn;t a great essay because i realized halfway through writing it that my thesis was actually nonsensical and i had to change it on the alst day we had to work on it, it was so fun analyzing the text ^_^ (spoilers ahead) i talked about how clive and maurice were both gay but had drastically different attitudes towards their gayness, with clive ending up in a heterosexual marriage and repressing his desires versus maurice running away into the greenwood with alec. (spoilers end) anyways its soooo good it makes me feel lightheaded. my review is gonna be so fire...

well i think my roommates party is over so i can go get my cold hot chocolate now hopefully... bye everybody ^_^ sorry this is sooo long btw. hi if you read this far

dec 30 (fri)

hi!! it's been so long since i updated, i'm sorry for that... i've mostly been sitting in my room eating cadbury fingers for the past week lol. i hope everybody's holidays have been good!

for christmas i got a couple of shirts from hot topic, new headphones (skullcandy crusher evo (smirk emoji)), all the neon genesis evangelion manga, a couple new warrior cats books (hawkwing's journey, the 5th omen of the stars book, and another special edition that i forget), and another book called something that may shock or discredit you by daniel m lavery. it's a collection of essays about trans identity and transition, one of my favourite quotes is from there: "god made me transsexual the same reason he made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity may delight in the act of creation" (julian k. jarboe). i haven't started reading it yet, i'm thinking i might save it for when i get back to uni -- but then again, i might get too busy to read it there... i also haven't decided if i want to annotate it or not. i still have my other copy of maurice i need to annotate as well. decisions, decisions...

aside from christmas stuff, there's not really much i have to say. this is probably my shortest blog post ever lol... maybe i should add a reading list or book review page to my site or something. i sometimes have thoughts about books. i could talk about maurice for so long... perhaps this will be my next site project??? anyways that's all from me, bye now!!

dec 21 (wed)

i'm finally done finals!!! i'm so relieved... i've got around a 70% average so far, out of the things that have been marked. i had my last exam today at 2, and i definitely failed it like it went so bad... i hate philosophy. i even studied for it a little bit... i only need to get 33% on the actual exam to pass the class though so hopefully i'm safe i do NOT want to take that shit again.

aside from finals... i got my septum pierced! a week ago today. it looks so cute... and it's healing really well too! there was no pain after the second day, and i can move it around without it hurting too. i also decided to impulsively buy an ear stretching taper kit from spencer's that same day, so when my friend and i went back to her house i started stretching them. it hurt real bad cause i didn't realize the first taper size was 1.6mm and not 1.2mm... my right ear was fine after that but my left ear was not having it so i downsized both of them to some 1.2mm septum jewellery i had. it actually looks kinda cute which is nice. i'm planning on getting second lobe piercings sometime in the relatively near future, maybe for my birthday? definitely before the summer. plus i want a bridge piercing as well.

on the topic of piercings: i was so shocked when i got to the piercing studio because on their website it said septum piercings were $40... somehow they neglected to include the fact that the jewellery was not included in that price ToT AND THE JEWELLERY WAS MORE THAN THE ACTUAL SERVICE ITSELF my bank account is crying so bad. when i got my bellybutton pierced in toronto it was $40 total including jewellery and tax so that's what i was expecting. i was sorely mistaken. cost me $130 to get tortured with needles... it's fine though i'm not that mad about it. i will probably be going somewhere different to get my ears/bridge done. maybe i'll wait for reading week and see if i can hang with my friend at uoft for a few days and get them done in toronto again...

tomorrow morning i have to embark on a 9 hour journey back to my hometown cause of winter break... i have to take the train and then another train and then get picked up. it takes so long because i life a 7 hour drive away. and the train ticket for the first train was so fucking expensive >_< and i actually don't really like my hometown all that much so the only reason i'm going is to hang with my family and my cat. i've got a beautiful collection of joints my friend rolled for me to help me and my friend who is also home for the holidays survive town name. happy holidays to everyone reading this btw! merry christmas, chag chanukah sameach, happy kwanzaa, etc i don't know what other holidays are ocurring but happy those too!

i did my nails the other day and they look kinda janky but i think the colour is cool... i did a blue-grey colour and then top coat mixed with black to give it a kind of translucent dark grey effect. i need to get better at filing the fake nails properly because i keep making the ring fingers different lengths and both the middle fingers are different shapes (one is round and one is kinda pointy...) but it's fine cause nobodys gonna be looking at my hands. actually i do really like doing fake nails because it makes my hands look really nice and my fingers look longer and it looks really nice when i wear rings which i do a lot ^_^

well anyways it's 11:30 now and i'm going to go build a house in minecraft so bye

dec 08 (thurs)

hieeee ^_^ i'm currently putting off working on my final english essay ...i've been meaning to get working on it for like 5 and a half hours now. but its fine cause i have all of today and all of tomorrow to do it. honestly i don't really have much to talk about here since it hasn't been that long since i updated but i'll think of something.

my and my friend has a sleepover the other night! it was fun cause she came over at 12:30 and then we took the train to go to the closest mall with a spencers and walked around there for an hour or two and then when we got back we made frienship bracelets (hers says faggot and mine says ballz) and then she stank up my room rolling joints... i had to break out the air fresheners, open my window, and put my fan on oscilate to get the smell out ToT AND THEN SHE FORGOT THEM HERE so it was literally for nothing... well they're my joints now. anyways we watched the beautiful minecraft mystreet phoenix drop high roleplay series by aphmau on youtube (with the volume very low, lest my roommates hear our shame) and then i went to sleep until 10 and then we alternated between sitting there on our phones in silence and sleeping. OH AND we also made a gingerbread house that collapsed and now looks like a heap of rubble it was pretty awesome

i also got new earbuds! i ordered them from skullcandy about a week ago because i saw they were half off and i lost my other ones over the summer >_< i'm hoping to get a new pair of actual headphones for xmas but these will hold me over until then... normally i would just get a pair of earbuds from the corner store but for some reason i have been completely unable to find earbuds here and the headphones at dollarama suck so bad i've literally gone through two pairs since getting here and one of the pairs literally lasted 5 minutes before the cord broke on me... so i had to splurge. but at least they were on sale... if they had been any more expensive i wouldn't have gotten them but i need to have music in my ears at all times to function. the only problem with them is that i'm always scared they'll fall out of my ears like my old ones that i got in grade 9 had an arm that held them in place over the shell of my ear so i wasn't worried about them but these ones don't have that... i've been on at least 5 different websites looking at articles about how to properly wear wireless earbuds so they don't fall out. they've been better than i was expecting, though, and i did wear them to the corner store earlier today and it was fine ^_^ i'm going to be very careful with them...

what else... i'm getting my septum pierced next wednesday! my friend (same one who slept over) is getting herseptum done as well along with her bellybutton... i'm so excited!! i've wanted a septum piercing for so long but my mom thinks they're ugly... she's in for a surprise when she picks me up from the train station for winter break. devil emoji. i also got a package of xmas stuff from my mom earlier this week, it had a little tiny tree that lights up and a gingerbread house and hot chocolate mix and stuff ^_^

that's all i can really think of right now... i should probably get working on my essay now. i don't have much written for it cause i'm struggling a bit... but i will survive.

nov 28 (mon): exams coming up!

good moring!!! it's 3:40 am right now... if you haven't noticed, i've been trying to be active here and update my site more than once every 10 years recently. i've actually been enjoying coming on here more, so hopefully i'll keep it up! i've been thinking about abandoning tumblr for a little while and shacking up here full time -- just cause i feel like i've been too online.

this week is the second-to-last week of classes! i'm so excited... i only have 2 in person exams which i'm so happy about. one of the 3 take home exams is an analytical essay i still need to start (it's about language-based discrimination, how some languages or dialects are seen as better than others, and how the language or dialect someone speaks can be a determining factor in how they're seen by society); the other two are regular exams but online and open-book. one of the in person ones, for my intro to linguistics class, i'm not too worried about. i'm planning to make flashcards for studying and since i've been doing pretty ok in the class, i think ill be fine. my philosohy exam, on the other hand... so i got 80% on the first midterm which is pretty good, but i'm pretty sure i bombed the second one, and i have philosophy. so. i'm a bit worried. but a long as i pass the class i'm fine.

for next term, i think i need to switch around my classes again -- on tuesdays, i have 4 classes in a row starting from 8:30, with no breaks in between. but the problem with that is that the schedule i have was literally the best i could come up with because i had to many freaking time conflicts with required classes and etc, and i had to end up taking varieties of english instead of a required class... not that i'm complaining, i actually was planning on taking that class second year, but... yeah. idk, i'll figure it out eventually.

lately i've been having such a hard time getting myself out of bed. it's become a real problem, i barely go to class unless it's one i can do from my bed, and when i am up it's in the middle of the night. if i have plans or need to clean for room inspections i canget up and get stuff done no problem, but then i'm super keyed-up and energetic way past when i need to go to sleep and it ends up messing up my sleep schedule, and i don't like to take sleeping pills unless i can sleep for at least 12 hours uninterrupted and by the time i end up retiring for the night it's like 2, 3 in the morning and i can't very well just sleep until 3 pm so i don't take the sleeping pills and then i'm up all night and end up falling asleep around like 7 in the morning and by the time i need to go to class i've barely gotten any sleep so i just roll back over and end up waking up at like 3 pm anyways. and then my whole day is wasted so what's the point in getting up...

anyways the reason i'm up now is cause i became nocturnal since thursday and i slept all day sunday. i did manage to get up to shower, though, which is good cause i've been putting it off because i've been too tired to get up, and bad because now i have no towels and have to do laundry on tuesday. grrr...

actually, one thing i realy like about living in the city is that there's a 24/7 convenience store barely 100m away from my residence building, so i can go buy slushies whenever i want. it's seriously awesome. i like to buy my chocolate milk from there too, i've been going through a lot of that lately which probably isn't that great cause a 2l carton of chocolate milk is literally 5 whole dollars. oh well.

moving on, i've almost finished buying everyone xmas presents! i don't celebrate the religious part of xmas, in fact i'm actually seriously considering starting the process of converting to judaism (probably sometime next year, i'd like to have an actual apartment her first before i start; also, i still need to choose which synagogue i'm gonna go for), but i love buying people presents and this time of year is the perfect time, so i figured why not. there's still a couple of people i need to buy something for, but i've got most people already!

ok this is getting a bit long and i want to go buy a slushie and maybe smoke weed while i'm outside, so i'm gonna go. bye bye!!

nov 19 (sat): hiiii (said while scared)

hi there... sorry it took me so long to update i kept thinking about it i swear but i either didn't have time to sit down and write a lot or i hadn't really been doing anything worthy of blogging about... i'm here now though ^_^ the site has a new look! it took me a while to get the layout the way i wanted, and then it took me extra long to move all the content to the new layout (because i like it when the whole site loks the same rather than having different layouts for different pages..), and the preview still won't update because my index is broken or something -_- so annoying...

anyways, i've mostly just been doing school stuff. fall term is almost over -- it went by so fast! there are about 2 weeks of classes left, and i have to say i'm kind of scared about my philosophy grade... so i got 80% on the first midterm which i was really happy about, but then the other day we had the second midterm which i'm pretty sure i got really bad on. cause on wednesday night i was going to study and then go get high but i got bored of studying 5 minutes in so i took some edibles but i accidentally took way too much and i was basically incapacitated until thursday afternoon ToT and then i had a couple hours to study so i was really cramming and then i walked into the lecture hall and immediately forgot everything i studied. so...

aside from philosophy i think i'm going pretty good in all my other classes, i have over 70% in everything and most of my final exams (besides philosophy and intro linguistics) are take-home and/or open book. so i'm just planning on going through all the lecture slides from every class and taking even more notes, re-reading the textbooks, etc. i really want to finish the first term strong, and i might need to end up switching a class or two around in the winter term because my schedule is a little fucked up. like 4 classes in a row fucked up. it's honestly so scary.

i've been able to hang out with a couple of friends! i met another one of my tumblr mutuals back in october, we went to a coffee shop for 2 hours and talked, and then i hung out with one of my irls this past wednesday and the week before! it was so nice getting to spend time with people, i was feeling kinda bad for a while there about having no friends here and not being able to spend time with or talk to literally anybody... but it's all good now!

i might have mentioned ebfore, but i cancelled my meal plan because the dining hall was too scary; recently i've been able to get out to the chinese grocery store an hour away from me and i stocked up on ramen and frozen dumplings ^_^ so now if i don't feel like going grocery shopping or going out for food i've got good ramen right here. i got miso, shio, nagasaki, and kumamoto ramen. my favourites.

ummm aside from all that, i can't really think of much else of note. bye bye ^_^

sept 25 (sun): uni stuff + what i've been up to

hiii what's up every one... i can't sleep so im writing this blog post ^_^ the first 3 weeks of uni have gone by super fast! i like all my classes, homework isn't too much or too hard (half of it isn't even marked, it's just voluntary exercises), and the majority of my midterms and final exams are going to be take home and multiple choice!! i still haven't made any friends but that's fine because i'm online a lot anyways so i still have people to talk to.

i think my two linguistics classes are my most favourite, closely followed by my algonquin language class. i'm not gonna say which dialect we're learning, because that would certainly give away where i live, but it's super fun, and i'm really enjoying the cultural knowledge we're learning alongside the vocabulary. my linguistics classes are super interesting as well, my psycholinguistics class is super sick and i find myself really intrigued by the questions and theories that psycholinguistics poses, and my general linguistics class is also super awesome because we're learning about phonetics right now and studying the international phonetic alphabet which is the coolest thing ever. transcribing things is so fun.

my other two classes are okay, essay writing isn't super interesting but it's pretty easy plus the prof is nice, philosophy is fine i guess. not really my thing, the lecture is super long (3 freaking hours long), but it's whatever. i'll deal.

other than that, i've been playing both clangen and everskies a lot, and also sleeping. i've fucked up my sleeping schedule by going to sleep super early and then waking up as late as i can manage which is so annoying because now i've slept too much and i'm awake at midnight on a saturday. i was gonna buy benadryl at shoppers to knock myself out and get back to a regular schedule but they were all sold out because apparently all of ontario is sick right now. fuck my life

i also started trying to wear a bit of makeup recently which has been fun! nothing too much, just eyeshadow + brow gel on both my brows and eyelashes. i feel like trying to do concealer/foundation/everything else would take too long and i don't really care to figure out how to make it look natural so i'm just not gonna bother with it... also i've been doing nails this week and last which i love because of the tapping sounds. oh and i cropped 2 of my shirts because the first 2 weeks were hot as balls good god it was like 25 degrees every day... they look super cute! but it's cooled down a lot now, it's like 13ish every day and rainy which is weather i LOVE i heart depressing weather. back to the topic tho it's been fun experimenting with my gender expression and stuff, i do honestly love presenting a bit more on the feminine side sometimes but i don't like doing it around people i know irl (well... just cis people tbh) because i feel like i'll get laughed at or something... but i don't know anyone here so it's fine!! neither of my flatmates have said anything which is good but i barely ever see them anyways so

actually today i was just laying in bed for hours on end doing nothing and around like 4 o'clock i had to pee really bad on account of i drank an orange crush plus fanta plus a monster in rapid succession and i was trying to sneak out to use the washroom and i have suddenly developed severe social anxiety after moving here and i don't like getting caught walking around the apartment by my flatmates for literally no reason because both of them are nice but anyways i put my ear to the door to hear if anyone was in the hall or had guests over and i couldnt hear them so i opened the door and went out into the hall and both of my roommates were in the main room playing beer pong with random people T0T I LITERALLY COULD NOT EVEN HEAR IT THROUGH THE DOOR IT WAS SO SCARY luckily this unit is so fucking shaped that they couldnt see me and i was able to go pee and then return to my room undisturbed. yay

ANOTHER STORY so like last week i was bored as fuck so i downloaded grindr because my friend who goes to a different uni said it was fun, so im just judging people and chatting with a few ppl my age and there was this one guy who said he was 19 who messaged me and was like hey are u looking for anything rn and i was like erm well that depends if ur cis or trans and hes like im ftm and iw as like oh sick me too and then he sends me a photo of his cock which startled me but i just didnt look at it and then after that he kept asking me to hang out, i had nothing better to do so i was like yeah sure whatever and he asked me if i have snapchat (i don't) so i was like no i can make one and he was like sure so i went to go make a snapchat and i started to get a weird feeling so i was like scrolling thru our chat and i was like what the hell lets look at this guys cock who even cares so i like tapped on the image for a second and i was like hold on just wait one second. how is this guy 19 and already has fully healed phallo that looks actually realistic. i may have been able to get top surgery at 17 but phallo is done in multiple stages right and theres lots of healing between them so theres no way hes got fully healed FINISHED phalloplasty at 19 years of age. so i message him and im like hey sorry actually i dont feel comfortable meeting up w u im sorry and then i go to check to see if hes still online or not and his profile now says 24. good bye bitch. and then i deleted my account thats my grindr story

that's all i can think of to say. i think i might have autism. goodnight ^_^

sept 11 (sun): been so busy!!

hello hello! the new school year has started, and i'm officially in university now!!! i moved into my residence last saturday, classes started on wednesday (sept 07), and i'm really happy with how everything is going! i'm taking the honours linguistics program at my university, so i have a bunch of linguistics courses i'm taking this year; during the fall term i have introduction to linguistics and language and the mind, and during the winter term i have intro to syntax, intro to morphology, and varieties of english. so far the classes have mostly just been reading over the syllabus and doing introductions, but i did have one normal intro to linguistics lecture the other day, and it was sooooo good. i took so many notes... i've been really liking microsoft onenote because i get microsoft office stuff free through my uni and there's not much setup required. my textbooks were so freaking expensive though omg its so crazy EVEN THOUGH THEYRE ALL RENTALS. i should get some of that money back tbh i need to save everything i can...

anyways my week has been pretty good. we did the 6 hour drive from my hometown to uni on saturday (03) and after we got all my stuff in my room and some of the stuff set up, my parents took me to walmart to get groceries and then we had to rush over to bestbuy because we thought it would be open later and i needed a longer ethernet cable. but we got it all in the end, and then there was this crazy thunderstorm that night but my parents got home safely which is good. then on sunday i... didn't really do much. monday and tuesday i mostly was just making sure i had everything i needed, i walked around outside for a little bit but it was so scary outside because i'm right downtown and it was crazy busy. wednesday i only had one class which was nice but then i had 3 on thursday and 3 on friday... well my indigenous language class got cancelled because of technical difficulties which was kind of annoying but whatever. and then yesterday (sat) i didn't really do much again. and then that brings us to today.

other stuff that's happened since i last updated... my cat broke her foot! she was jumping off the counter and caught her foot on one of the drawer handles... she got a splint put on it and she's been on crate rest for the past couple weeks. so sad. also my and my ex bff who went on that weird rant about neopronouns finally reconciled, she messaged me on instagram saying how sorry she was and how she was ashamed of the things she said and how she doesn't believe them anymore. it felt so good to get an apology from her, oh my god. as time went on i kind of started to give up hope that she ever would... but she did! and we talked and we agreed that we can move forward from it. i'm so indescribably happy about this but it took me a while to gather my thoughts because when i get emotional it gets hard for me to articulate what i'm feeling... but yay!! friends again!!!


other than that nothing much has happened, so that's all for this blog post. bye bye!!

aug 14 (sun): *stares at the ground*

hiiiii hi hiii hello. sorry i was gone for so long again i have an excuse this time tho i went on a road trip to newfoundland for my uncle's funeral and it took like two whole weeks. and i was on some island half the time and the data there was soooo bad it was really annoying... but it's okay because i still had a good time we went out in the boat and walked around the island lots and we ate lots of fish because everybody went out fishing like twice a day (i love fish) aaaaaaand yeah it was very fun and the driving was fun too we got to stay in a couple of university residences that were along our route and i finally got to go on a campus tour for the uni i'm going to in september!

aside from that, i've mostly just been hanging out at home. i quit my job at the beginning of july and finished around the end (about two days before we left for nfld) so i'm an unemployed girl now... i've been gathering materials for residence, since i'm doing apartment style i have to get kitchen stuff too but i've been talking to my roommates so we are kind of coordinating who's bringing what. but i'm honestly so excited about it like i actually can't wait i love learning and i'm really interested in the stuff i'm gonna be studying!!!!

aside from that, i've mostly just been hanging out at home. i quit my job at the beginning of july and finished around the end (about two days before we left for nfld) so i'm an unemployed girl now... i've been gathering materials for residence, since i'm doing apartment style i have to get kitchen stuff too but i've been talking to my roommates so we are kind of coordinating who's bringing what. but i'm honestly so excited about it like i actually can't wait i love learning and i'm really interested in the stuff i'm gonna be studying!!!!

i gave myself a haircut on thursday, it used to be halfway to my shoulder blades (like balow my shoulders but not quite to my shoulder blades yet) and now it's like chin length and i think it looks soooo good. i'm really glad it turned out good because i was a bit worried about it, this is the most i've cut off myself because usually i just do trims... but my friend max said it suits me and my friend adam says it looks slay so i'm happy ^_^ even my mom had nothing bad to say about it and she haaaaaates when i cut my own hair so i'm counting that as a win. i also tried a new dye on it... it's darker than i would have wanted but that's fine, it will wash out eventually.

also i've been updating the site a lot! i was going to write a blog post earlier but i haven't been at my computer in a bit... i think it looks nice, i wanted it to kind of reflect stuff that i like more (eg. stars and blue and etc) and i wanted it to be more accessible to different screens so i worked on the layout for about four hours before it turned out how i wanted and making it reactive for different screen sizes and for mobile screens was literally an accident it took me half an hour to figure out how i did that. i'm not complaining though!

i was trying to put a music player as well which is why my account is a supporter account right now, i uploaded a bunch of mp3 files and had to pay $5 to host them on neocities and it didn't even freaking work i had to embed the playlists from bandcamp on the music page which isn't what i was intending to do but oh well at least i have a music player... i just have to figure out how to embed from other streaming platforms for albums that aren't on bandcamp. but if you're reading this GO LISTEN TO WASTEISOLATION AND CUTIEMARKS RIGHT NOW PLEEEEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE. please.

what else.... well a few hours ago i joined everskies because i kept seeing peoples outfits everywhere... i joined around 7 and then when i looked up it was 2 am i seriously was entranced. it was sooo fun tho i love fashion and making outfits. i am such a f slur...

that's all i can think of for now, so i'm going to go to sleep now because it is 3:22 am. byeee ^_^

jul 01 (fri): HI SORRY

hiiiiii erm so. sorry for not posting anything all of june… and may… i forgot i had this website lol ummmm well i’ve been up to a lot!! so i got my residence placement for uni and enrolled in most of my classes, had a bit of a problem but hopefully that will be sorted out soon ^_^

also i graduated high school!! finally i’m done i’m sooooo excited… it’s a little surreal to me still. i get to pick up my diploma on the 5th! me and my irl friend went to pride in our city, i wore my platform cowboy boots which are surprisingly comfortable for being super bad quality, and i also wore my miku tank top i got from hot topic (totally got ripped off also… that shit cost $30 but it was just a shirt with the sleeves cut off. whatever i love miku i forgive her) and got complimented on it which was awesome. i was wearing my progress pride flag like a cape but i think the miku shirt was the gayest thing about my outfit. and my friend went in drag and looked really good, they kept getting so many compliments and a few weird comments but whatever… they wore heels which probably wasn’t the best idea bc we kept having to stop for them to rest their feet. and then afterwards we got wendys and went home and that was a super fun day!! there were no vendors or anything but we got to watch this big drag performance and there were lots of small businesses and healthcare-related booths advertising stuff.

and then prom was supposed to be the day after gradustion but we didn’t really want to go because. well we don’t like people in our town.

so we decided to go to the trans march in toronto instead!! we took miette my tumblr mutual turned irl also, it was suuuuper fun even tho my feet hurt super bad from all the walking. i bought a cake and encountered a weird loblaws deli person and we fed some of the cake to a pigeon and we saw lots of naked people there which was a little scary but... kink at pride and naked people at pride are beautiful and i love them. and we eventually found the march and it was so fun to watch and i teared up a little… seeing all the people with ‘i love my trans wife/parent/child/etc’ signs was really heartwarming… idk. so much love in the world. i could talk about this at length i think… maybe ill write another post just about love and transgenderism. if i have time.

anyways and then after the march was finished we took the subway back to union and the go train back to where we parked the car and then i drove us all home… i saw a raccoon and a skunk and a rabbit while driving on the back roads because it was past midnight by the time we were like halfway home. and then i passed out and that brings us to today!!

i’m turning in my two weeks at work next week… a little scared but also excited because i’m getting ready to go off to university!!! yay!!! and i’m gonna try to update this site more i prommy… though i doubt anyone’s actually paying much attention to me. lol. oh!! i’m gonna start uploading my minecraft screenshots to the photobook… that’s what i’m gonna be using it for. that’s everything i had to say i think. until next time!!

apr 29 (fri): this week's happenings!

omg hai heres a blog post for this week ^_^ one of my coworkers put in her 2 weeks on tuesday she’s going to a place that pays $25/hour (lucky…) so i’m probably gonna be working a lot more. well more money for me plus i really don’t mind my job and my boss is pretty nice so it’s whatever.

i bought my friend filsan minecraft yesterday and we played together for like 2 hours today and it was sooooo fun ^_^ i also had to read all of king lear in like an hour for miette but it didn’t even matter because i just had to help clarify an essay question for it KING LEAR SUCKS BTW i hate it so much like its not good. whatever btw i hope u get a good grade on that miette goodluck!!

umm what else……..i bought a pair of platform cowboy boots today that were entirely too expensive and i also got a pair of pink jeans and a pair of cargo shorts from yesstyle i’m excited for them!! i have like no pants i like to wear i have one pair that i’m wearing that i got from a huge sale at frank and oak, i have like 4 pairs of sweatpants, and i have a pair of white tweed pants from h&m. and 2 pairs of dress pants and anther pair of like nicer pants not dress pants but something you’d wear to a job interview. and none of them are the kind of pants i want to wear often except for the sweatpants i guess i think i’m okay at dressing them up… um yeah so i am going thrift shopping tomorrow morning before work for jeans i can upcycle i want to cut out a bunch of stars and sew them onto another pair ^_^ and also i want to get a pair of courds. they are my fave kind of pants also i need leggings because i kind of don’t like jean texture much ALSO I REMEMBERED i was gonna make jean shorts too.

annnnd i am going to sign up for a lane swim in the summer because i want to start exercising more and i love swimming it’s so fun. i’m trying to be more myself! that’s all i can think of to say so byeeeeeeeee

apr 21 (thurs): belated blog post
    preface i forgot to post this so this is uploaded a week late!
hiiiii hi sorry its been so long since i did a blog post im the worst blog runner ever…i haven’t really been doing much to be honest i’ve just been here. ummm well me and my friend filsan made a mutuals discord server together that’s going pretty well, we’re playing gartic phone on the weekend!! also i have to work 4 days in a row... i’m in today (thurs) fri sat sun but it’s okay because i love to make money.

it rained so much today and my freaking sister stole my umbrella -_- that was honestly so rude of her i’m still mad i need to steal it back sometime…waiting for the right opportunity.

oh also!! i have my road test next week for my driver’s license!!! i’m super excited, i’m honestly not too worried about it because i’m pretty confident in my driving skill. although i do need to practice backing into parking spaces and parallel parking and three point turns. but other than that i’m excited! after i get my license me and miette are meeting up and i’m super looking forward to that, it’ll be the first tumblr mutual i’ve ever met irl i’m so excited to be able to call him my irl ^_^ i want to meet aaaaaaaalll my muties irl we need to have tumblr in real life.

anyways besides that ummmm what else… i redyed my hair a little while ago because it was getting pretty faded… midterms were submitted this morning at 9 and i’m waiting for it to be updated for uni just to make sure they won’t rescind my offer of admission or my scholarship because that would SUCK also i’m trying to think of what i’m gonna do for work while in school… i think i might do some little essay editing business or something, maybe work in the library idk. i want to be an RA in second year because apparently not only do they pay you but they also pay for your room and that would honestly be a really huge help because i mean i am very lucky to have a job that gives me consistent shifts that i enjoy pretty well and my parents have agreed to help me with tuition fees but i would have to take out so many loans to be able to pay for residence that shit literally costs more than tuition for some fucking reason WHATEVER ahhhh i hate thinking about money except when i look in my bank account and see how loaded i am smirky face.

ok um ummmmmmmm im really cold right now. i’ve been streaming minecraft in the discord every now and again and that’s actually been fun even though nobody joins ever (SAD.) i just love minecraft. best game everrrrr ^_^ i’ve been making more cds! i got a pack of 50 for my bday along with 50 cases so i’ve got a list of cds i want to make, i’m slowly working through it.

also my art teacher hates my art so so much i’ve been using negative space as a commentary on how self discovery can make one feel isolated or lonely (at least it has in my experience) and she keeps telling me to fill it up like NO I AM MAKING SOCIAL COMMENTARY GIRL. she hates my trans gender swag. that’s it i think i can’t really think of anything else so byeeeeee ^___^

mar 30 (mon): what i've been up to recently!

ahhhh! it’s been a while! sorry i haven’t updated in a bit >w< worst girl everrrrrr for real. i’ve been kinda busy lately and haven’t had much time to sit down and write a good blog post… but i’m finally back! yay!!!

a couple of things have happened since i’ve been gone: i turned 18 2 days ago!! i can legally buy lottery tickets now ^_^ yayyy also i was trying to make a paypal (this is one of the other things btw) but it was being so annoying and not letting me link my account -_-: rightfully so tbh because i actually lost my wallet for 2 days so i didn’t have my actual debit card number and also i forgot my password and ended up having to reset it when i found my wallet again. but it’s still not letting me link it grrrrrr i’m gonna wait a week and see if it works then.

anyways ummmmmm well i painted my nails yesterday! actually i tried to paint them differently on Monday but i think my clear nail polish was expired or something because it just would not dry like it was getting all gummy and shit. gross. so sad too because it would have been so cute i was trying to do clear polish over metallic star stickers on my bare nails but it wouldn’t even work… i just painted them light blue yesterday.

i’ve actually been really good with not biting my nails over the past few months! i used to bite them like all day every day and my fingers looked so gross but now my nails actually look really nice! and they’re long! i can’t remember the last time i had long nails. i honestly love it.

another thing is i booked my road test! by may i will (hopefully) have my g2 license!!! so so scared to pay for insurance… legally i’m an adult male so insurance is going to be expeeeeeeeeeeensive. oh well i have a job i can afford it maybe. maybe. at least i’ll be able to drive places afterwards! i’m really looking forward to that.

final thing i think is that i became addicted to kitkat minis. i can’t stop eating them i love kitkat i love putting things in my mouth its so perfect. side-eyes my bag of kitkat minis sitting 17 cm from me. well anyways that’s all i have to say no long rambly post from me tonight. xoxo

mar 11 (fri): my week, my plans for prom, other things

march 11th.. it’s march break now! yay!! i thought i’d make a little short blog post about my week, just so that if anybody is actually keeping up with me they don’t have to read my long-ass 1300 word ramble to see what’s been going on with me.

notable events from this week: my snoopy pencil finally came, i did pretty good on a mock-jlpt test on monday, i dyed my hair blue! i don’t know. not a very eventful week, i guess. same-old. i’ve been playing minecraft a bit; stopped building a house to write this, actually. i posted a quick one on wednesday, i think. but, um... yeah. that’s mostly it.

i booked off prom from work even though i’m not going; i don’t want to wear a suit because the way suit pants fit me make me feel really dysphoric, but i’ll be gawked at if i wear a dress. there’s really no winning for me in this situation. but i don’t want to have to work the night of and morning after with my boss, so i figure i'll just say i'm busy. not like he's gonna be there...

oh! another thing! since i got top surgery i haven’t worn the cowgirl crop top i have, but i tried it on the other day... oh. my. god. it looks so cute on me now. i love it so much. i like to wear more feminine clothes sometimes (skirts, crop tops; even my normal wardrobe isn’t the most masculine... i dress way better than my male classmates though) but i felt so good in that... yeah. just wanted to mention that.

i can’t really think of anything else to add, so i guess this is it from me! i’m also planning on getting the gender page done after work tomorrow afternoon, so stay tuned for that if you’re interested! ;P

mar 04 (fri): my day, some thoughts on the site's layout

hiiii hi hello this is my first blog post on here! i figure this will probably operate like a diary that anybody can just... read if they want to, so i'm not going to hold back when it comes to talking about whatever i want to. i'm planning on the blog landing page just being like. a list of dates hyperlinked to their corresponding blog posts. or something. i might arrange them by category or just have a seperate page for each of them with back/home/next buttonsat the top. like i said, i'm not sure yet. i'll probably decide as i'm writing this entry...

my day was pretty good today! i got some german schoko bananen candies at lunch which actually were probably very expired and kind of tasted like carpet but that's okay... i also had my kitkat minis stolen from my backpack's side pocket but that's also whatever idrc about them. i finished my short story for english class and most of my reading notebook for the great gatsby, plus i finished my drawing for art class yesterday so i just kind of touched it up in places for the whole period. it was about -10 out so i wore a polar fleece which was a really good idea because that wind was COLD.

then after school i went to work where DOUG FORD BOUGHT CHOCOLATE MILK???? like from me. i sold the premier of ontario chocolade milk from a gas station. crazy. he was arguing with my boss about whether or not he could start selling donuts again lol... that guy is so much shorter than i expected. and his hair is really greasy. my boss said he would send me and the coworker i was with tonight a picture of him on the cameras for proof. my town is barely on the map so i was completely caught off guard by him coming in. i might understand it if was a little town near toronto, but we are not close to toronto. but he was there nonetheless... so so strange.

after that it was pretty quiet for a very long while. and then i went home and ate the rest of my banana marshmallows i boughtyesterday and i'm going to cook hotdogs in a bit because i'm still kind of hungry. those stale as fuck marshmallows were not very filling. anyways, i'm off to... write a really long vent, i guess. i hope anyone reading has a nice day!

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